Did you know that human beings are wired to connect? Simply put, it’s the way our brains work. Our need to connect is as fundamental as our need for food and water. In fact, our well-being depends on our connection with others. Sometimes, we don’t realize we are craving a deeper connection until we find it.
What can make connecting with others challenging? Well, according to Brené Brown it is basically our fears of getting hurt, disconnection, criticism, failure, conflict, not measuring up etc. that cuts ourselves off from real connection with real humans.
What can leaders do to create more intimacy within their teams, communities or families? Let’s dissect the anatomy of relationships and explore possibilities. We can have relationships with ourselves, other people, situation or circumstance, and time.
Relationship with Self: Nurturing a kind and loving relationship with ourselves means being connected to our souls and purpose to be able to share our most authentic selves with the world. This vulnerability allows room for insecurity to grow within our wandering minds. In a society that sets us up to have perceived ideas of how we should act, what we should say and ultimately how we should feel, it is seemingly risky to throw caution to the wind and share our authentic self. It is not always easy and it certainly has its moments of pain. Yet, vulnerability is a strength in which beauty is born out of raw authenticity and courage to go all in.
Relationship with others: When my little niece recently spent a few weeks of her summer holidays with me, we had dinner with some friends one night. Admittedly, our conversation was somewhat boring for a ten-year-old. Still, she tried to contribute as much as she could. When we talked about relationships, my niece said: “All human beings in the world are like family, we are all connected. This is why we need to be nice to each other instead of fight and argue, or blame each other.” We were stunned at her comment and dove more deeply into the topic of inextricable human connections. All of us felt that we were able to see ourselves or rather different aspects of ourselves through others. The connection with another human would work like a mirror for us. My little niece and all of us around the dinner table agreed that to be able to sense the connectedness with other people, we needed some sort of belief that there was something greater than us rooted in love and compassion.
Relationship with situation or circumstance: Sometimes we can change the circumstance we are in to something more preferable. Other times, it is less changeable. However, we can always change our relationship to circumstance. In fact, it is the key to stepping into greater power, having greater influence, and experiencing greater bliss.
Relationship with time: Time is both our limitation and our opportunity. Time, with space, serves as the hidden but all powerful gate that limits our reality to actualizing only one event at a given time and place. We cannot do different things at the same time; we must choose.
“My formula for greatness in a human being is ‘amor fati’ (i.e. love of one’s fate): that one want nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it … but love it.”
Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher (1844 – 1900)
Love what happens to me at all times … – really? What Nietzsche tries to convey is the idea that there is only one variable you are able to control in your life (even though it often feels like you can’t) – your attitude.
Choose your attitude for creating winning social connections. To build and develop connections within your teams – wherever team members may be located on this planet – make sure to nurture a culture where people feel safe to show up, speak out, take chances and innovate. Outstanding leaders have to excel at one thing: Communication. Communication to build meaningful connections.
Communication and building relationships can be learned. Contact us.
Lead courageously, Annette.
*All of us are leaders in their own lives; this is whom the address first and foremost refers to. Some of us hold leadership roles in organizations in addition to their life leadership role. At Inspired Executives we welcome you if leadership is your way of being or if you hold a corporate leadership role.
Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash